Jared R. Lawson

Just some words and thoughts while I was in jail... The judging mind is the unloving prosecutor to the degree that it WILL judge itself. Herein lies the healing statement of Jesus, "Judge not lest you be judged." Mercy is just the opposite. It is an opening to the heart rather than a mindless closing. Now, mercy is a responsibility from which to "respond" to instead of the life-limiting action of "reacting" to.  To react with anger, rage, hatred, and lies is to act out over and over again to our inner pain with the same old sufferings. Mercy unites us; mercy unites the mind with the heart, which of course are in constant war with each other; judgement separates. Mercy is that voice of our "natural goodness". Judgement is that empty, cold, darkness between the heart and the mind. Mercy DOES NOT judge; judgement wounds; mercy heals; mercy is a BLESSING. I've begun to learn how to become more loving just by looking at how unloving I've be...

So, I came across this Facebook post of her's today.. And I did ask her to remove it just because she ALWAYS tells me to remove things off my social media AND she's definitely not single nor was she single while I was in jail when this was posted.. Yet her "loving and caring" response was, "It's staying on there forever".  I just don't understand why she's doing this.. I truly love this woman and I don't understand why she's treating me like sooo bad right now.  She's been treating me like I'm some strange loser since I walked out of jail December 10. Dammit! I'm not the same man as I was before. Why can't she just stop?? 🙏 What's really going on with her?? 🙏 And why do I have to be in competition with other men especially with those on her Facebook? Why?? 🤔 It makes no sense to me when I reread those emails from her back when I was in jail.. all the "I love you's", "I want you", "I miss...

You know.. this is was confuses me the most. How could she say she loved me more than any man on the face of the earth?

So she asked me to write her something about my love for her... well... here goes... How I feel is.. love. A love that has never even been felt before. A love that I have never even experienced before. A love that is like a growing lit candle flame. A feeling of just knowing I have finally found that one special person. That one person who I so dearly yern to spend my entire life with; each and every day. At times I would find myself envisioning this furture... A great future of family and of happiness; Of success and of strength. A bond that is unbreakable and woven so tight together. And this I can honestly say I have never even seen before. When I close my eyes all I can envision is you. Holding you in my arms; staring down into your beautiful eyes. Even from the first time we had met... I would wake up every morning just thinking about you; laying my head down to sleep... Thinking about you. Thinking about us. Thinking about our future. Thinking about being righ...

Leia, Since the first day I met you I fell in love. I can still remember that very first day... me standing at the bottom of that rickety stairway looking up at you. And you at the top looking down at me. It was at that moment I could just feel something was different than before. But come to find out later all you were looking for was just sex. You made a comment on the jail phone that in the beginning I fell in love with you and in the end you fell in love with me. In the end? Is this the end? Now, I've decided to write you something because it's hard for me to get my feelings out and spoken into words to you. And I'm pretty sure you know why that is. Let me take you back a bit... remember when I would buy you cards and write inside them for you? That's me. Yet you ripped up every single one. Will this end up getting ripped up when we're all said and done? You said in the end, right? Remember our first kiss? I still do. We were sitting on your Lani. You were at...

So... the likelihood of me paying a woman's bills is next to nothing if I too have financial responsibilities myself to take care of in this economy. I'm a single man and I do have bills too. Ya know? The only time I really didn't have any bills to pay was when I was living with my parents in their home. Shit, you know a man like that can't pay anyone's bills anyways.  Okay, so let's be real here, if a woman was already dating a man of the wealthiest stature, she wouldn't be asking this man to pay her bills in the first place.   I usually look at women who expects a man to pay her bills or spend money on her as straight gold diggers. I don't view something that you can’t afford as my responsibility and make sure you are able to keep it when I can't afford something myself. Living above your means isn't my problem. It's yours . If you can’t afford going out to eat, that house, car, fancy jewelry, those purses or shoes you lust after, don't...