Jared R. Lawson

It's been some years since I've been able to just get things out... it's kinda real fucking hard to type on this little ass keyboard let alone a regular keyboard.. so just write.. does it really matter about grammar and punctuation? I mean I was taught that it's best just to start writing and go back to it later. Cool ass professor. Honestly the reason I just want to start writing again is well.. I've got A LOT of fucked up shit running through my mind and social media.. well.. it blows. I don't get appreciated there and well.. this is my blog and I really don't give a shit who likes what I "post" about on here or what "friend" follows me or really.. regulate what I say. I mean even Leia would bring up stupid fucking bullshit that I posted on twitter about my Dad. Well.. let's fucking see here... He NEVER fucking answers and according to Leia the reason why he doesn't answer is because I only call him when I need somet...

Just some words and thoughts while I was in jail... The judging mind is the unloving prosecutor to the degree that it WILL judge itself. Herein lies the healing statement of Jesus, "Judge not lest you be judged." Mercy is just the opposite. It is an opening to the heart rather than a mindless closing. Now, mercy is a responsibility from which to "respond" to instead of the life-limiting action of "reacting" to.  To react with anger, rage, hatred, and lies is to act out over and over again to our inner pain with the same old sufferings. Mercy unites us; mercy unites the mind with the heart, which of course are in constant war with each other; judgement separates. Mercy is that voice of our "natural goodness". Judgement is that empty, cold, darkness between the heart and the mind. Mercy DOES NOT judge; judgement wounds; mercy heals; mercy is a BLESSING. I've begun to learn how to become more loving just by looking at how unloving I've be...

So, I came across this Facebook post of her's today.. And I did ask her to remove it just because she ALWAYS tells me to remove things off my social media AND she's definitely not single nor was she single while I was in jail when this was posted.. Yet her "loving and caring" response was, "It's staying on there forever".  I just don't understand why she's doing this.. I truly love this woman and I don't understand why she's treating me like sooo bad right now.  She's been treating me like I'm some strange loser since I walked out of jail December 10. Dammit! I'm not the same man as I was before. Why can't she just stop?? 🙏 What's really going on with her?? 🙏 And why do I have to be in competition with other men especially with those on her Facebook? Why?? 🤔 It makes no sense to me when I reread those emails from her back when I was in jail.. all the "I love you's", "I want you", "I miss...

You know.. this is was confuses me the most. How could she say she loved me more than any man on the face of the earth?