It's been some years since I've been able to just get things out... it's kinda real fucking hard to type on this little ass keyboard let alone a regular keyboard.. so just write.. does it really matter about grammar and punctuation? I mean I was taught that it's best just to start writing and go back to it later. Cool ass professor. Honestly the reason I just want to start writing again is well.. I've got A LOT of fucked up shit running through my mind and social media.. well.. it blows. I don't get appreciated there and well.. this is my blog and I really don't give a shit who likes what I "post" about on here or what "friend" follows me or really.. regulate what I say. I mean even Leia would bring up stupid fucking bullshit that I posted on twitter about my Dad. Well.. let's fucking see here... He NEVER fucking answers and according to Leia the reason why he doesn't answer is because I only call him when I need something. Yeah well that's not true. You know this is kinda good for me because I really don't have anyone to talk to anymore. And I really should be getting things out instead of keeping them all fucking bottled up inside my fucked up head. Like how about when I lost my Mom, which I have some words to say about that too probably in another fucked up post, but it's like no one gives a shit about me right now. Like I try to reach out but.. everyone pushes me away. Well.. idk if it's "pushing me away" is what they're doing but that's what it feels like. Anyways, the counselors and teachers WERE right about one thing.. writing DOES make you feel a bit better. I mean this technically isn't writing because my thumbs fucking HELLA hurt right now. And look, I can be myself and I do know there's comments allowed on blog posts, which I'm not too worried about anyways. No one "real" ever "followed" me or was my "friend" on social media anwyas and I'm pretty used to the fuckery of spam. Hey, I can actually utilize the free shit to get my words out. I mean I try and try over and over to talk to my "friends" and family and even Leia.. and all I get told is that they want to blow their head off after talking to me. Anyways, it sucks hearing that. I do have PTSD, which I'll for sure be using this more to get my words out of my head because this really fucking sucks at times when you don't have not a damn person to talk to. Yeah I know that may be a long ass sentence or maybe it's not even a sentence but hey I got it out. And honestly the point of this is well.. 🤷🏼♂️ I need to; I need a journal; big time.